Nov. 15 Grateful for journaling

I was recently going through my facebook and looking at posts I wrote last year during November.  I realized in doing so  I could piece together and remember more clearly all the ins and outs of the days last year before the accident.  I hadn't ever been one to record my feelings regularly, and was surprised at what these meant to me.  Somewhat because it represents innocence.  I thought how often in life because we don't have experience with things, or don't know what is around the corner, it gives us an ability to live more care-freely.  This was a startling revelation, because I had often this year wished that I had known so I could at least say goodbye.  As much as I wish I could and hold her as she passed on to the next life, I also realized that it has aspects to be grateful for.  One being we were able to enjoy life up to the very minute that we knew about the accident.  Two, I didn't have to watch Madeline suffering.  It was so hard for me to see Taylor when we were in Las Vegas because I so wished he wasn't experiencing what he was, and that I could take his pain away.  Madie didn't have much of a pain tolerance, so I am thankful she was able to die quickly, since that was the outcome that was intended... As much as I hate that she is gone, and miss her desperately in the deepest places,  I am grateful she is free from life here on the earth...  I can see that writing this year will be a treasure for me to have, so I am grateful for writing, journaling and recording thoughts, because otherwise in a few years I would only have the fog to remember and the overall feeling of deep sadness...