Grateful for amazing friends and family!

In the aftermath of the past 48 hours, I have felt a bit like pictures I have viewed from the recent storms in Illinois.  I feel like my body has been run over by a truck, and yet my spirit feels incredible gratitude. 

Polar opposites... 

Something like the experiences of the early moments of a year ago.

 A quaking inside,

deep pain

and yet gratitude simultaneously.

 Gratitude for the amazing outreaches that have been expressed in myriads of ways to my entire family around the anniversary.
 I didn't know that I could have moments when the pain would again go to the places it went to during the past 48 hours. I also realize I have not experienced the end of this pain, it will resurface again, and again, something I have come to accept... 

I've learned grief knows no bounds... 

 There isn't a timetable, or a rule book for when it appears, how it manifests itself, and when it subsides. 

 It has no rules....

Grief looks different for each person. If you don't know what to do, acknowledging this is never wrong. Reaching out is never wrong, even if the timing isn't perfect. Understand what they need at one moment, might be different in another. 
Keep asking as time goes on.

listen.. 

You may hear or sense 

 "I need some space"

 or possibly

 "stay with me"

"I need to have fun"

or

 "I need to be still"

Regardless if it isn't exactly right,
no worries. 

Sometimes I don't even know what I need,

BUT

 I am always grateful that something was done,

 I sense and feel love... 

I've witnessed so many things being done in equally different ways, both for me and for my family this year. 

 Every act has meant something powerful to me.

  I've seen people at their finest! 

An example I will share...
 A friend yesterday made muffins, and stopped by the house to drop them off. She had no intention of staying for any length of time, she didn't want to intrude. While we were in the kitchen, she noticed Marielle making herself something to eat. She complimented Marielle and I mentioned something about Marielle could use learning this new skill for her personal progress, (something we do in our faith similar to a young man working on getting his Eagle Scout). 

In the course of our conversation  I stated "we haven't been able to figure out how to add doing personal progress to the day to day this year". She jumped right in and stated, "go get your book Marielle", then spent the next hour or so getting Marielle started. I was grateful for help with something that has been hard for me to do this year.

 She observed, then served...

My friend didn't realize she would be doing this when she stopped by and yet she took a window of time in the moment. It was something I wouldn't have asked for, because I have felt like it was something I needed to find a way to do.  I learned so much by witnessing how it evolved in the moment.
  I use this example,something I have seen repeatedly.  Individuals finding a way to do things that have made our journey easier. 
 I am humbled and grateful to every individual who has reached out in any way. Every prayer, message, comment, kindness,meals, flowers, gifts... Acts of service big or small has been greatly appreciated.
 I've seen the Lord in the details of my life through others.
  
 These experiences are changing me...   

I long for the time when I can be on the other side of this and give back in the way that I have been given to. 
I  realize I am still healing, and I'm doing the best I can in the moment.  This brings me hope of a different person, who is struggling to emerge out of the ashes. I am learning to be patient with the boundless sides of my journey. I give myself time even though I want to be better now.