Snatched...

 On Nov. 20th my beautiful daughter was snatched from my life.

                           No good byes, just gone in an instant.

My son Taylor's wedding plans  were snatched, altered... 

His strong body snatched and on a road of pain, surgeries, and a miraculous recovery.

    

Snatched were the family photos that we were going to take and send out at Christmas.. 

Snatched were the plans for the holiday's,  the Lord provided others..

  White Christmas, now that wasn't planned!        

                               Temple Square-Christmas 2012

 Snatched were the dreams of security and safety. 

Gone was the protective canopy that I instinctively created over my children.

Snatched was the concept that I could control my life, that if I always cross my t's and dot my i's that a certain outcome would occur.

Snatched was the sense of security that God knew and understood that I couldn't survive this kind of trauma, in fact I had told him the day before I could never survive one of my children dying, so how can this be? Didn't he get the memo? 

Snatched was life as I knew it previously to that day...  With a new life that I didn't ask for, instantly beginning. 

Snatched were so many things that I used to believe were vital;  eating healthy, excercising, accomplishing my to do list. 

Snatched was my heart, so I ask myself how is it still beating? 

Snatched was a sense of order and control. Being able to do mundane simple everyday things. 

Snatched was the ability to know, how I would do or feel in any given moment or circumstance, on any given day.

Snatched is the social scene, with new undefined rules.  I sense the apprehension of others, and understand they don't know what to do, most likely there is fear they might upset me.  Group situations are the hardest,  there is often a tangible awkwardness.  I want to say "it's okay if I cry, it is part of my life now.  It's okay to talk about Madie, she is always on my mind.  If I seem unapproachable, realize that I don't want to be the little black rain cloud." 
 I am in pain, it rarely goes away, and I often feel lonely for a normal life.  A life where I have dreams that haven't been shattered. One where people don't feel sorry for me, or think they can catch what I have. I miss my life that was organized, capable, strong...  I also long to feel happy, carefree, innocent, but that seems to be snatched as well. 

Yes snatched describes many of my feelings, but it's also something that happens without warning when all is going rather well. Then something "snatches" me and I am completely emotional, and not sure when or if it will be long or short.  It can be anything, a smell, picture, person, event... the possibilities are endless, but leave me feeling vulnerable much of the time. 
 As I start to put the pieces of my life  back together, there is the aspect of anytime, anywhere I could get snatched, and then again another wave of grief, that may or may not be at a good or appropriate time...

What helps? 
                                Family and Friends 

                              Unconditional love is imperative.

Discovering a purpose,
    exploring a way to honor Madie      
    I find myself trying to define what's meaningful, and gives my life hope and direction. I've observed my children and husband as we all search for ways to honor Madie. 

                                Marielle's story 
            
    Trust...

Trusting that Heavenly Father is in charge, and knows 
me by name. Possessing confidence that even in my darkest hours, he is there and will send something, somehow for me to know. 

Occasionally I am snatched in a way that is completely unexpected. Something unimaginable happens, and I know I have been "snatched" into a heavenly moment..  My vision and perspective completely altered. I am strengthened and given courage to continue putting one foot in front of the other. 

Also having complete faith in "The Plan of Salvation"   grounds my deepest sorrows.

Knowing that I existed as a spirit child,  with Heavenly 
Parents.  Grateful that Christ came to earth to satisfy 
the demands of justice, and atone for the sins and the 
pain of mankind. Breaking the bands of death when he 
died on the cross. 
 
Understanding that this earth life is a small moment 
when we are tested and gain a physical body. Lacking 
experience, we had no comprehension of physical or 
emotional pain. 


A veil was put over our minds as we came to earth, 
lending opportunities to prove ourselves through how 
we lived, choices we made, using Christ's Atonement 
to repent and be forgiven. Also using his atonement to 
heal our wounds and infirmities. His grace is sufficient!


Rising again, regardless of the times we feel our life is 

"snatched" out from under us, resolving to be our best  

regardless of life's circumstances, to trust the Lord, to 

lean on the comfort of our Savior Jesus Christ. 

Through the atonement our broken hearts and souls 

can be healed. Longing for the day when all tears will

be wiped away. When we'll finally feel the security 

and love of never having a snatching moment again, 

and return to live with our Savior Jesus Christ and God 

the Father. To be reunited with Families and have the 

ability to be with our families forever. 



This is what brings me comfort, when all else cannot... 

Jan 30,2013 edited May 29, 2013