It's been three years ago that we finally took our family's picture in front of this big santa that has been a part of our street for about the last 15 years.
I have pondered recently on the miracles that I have witnessed this past year. There have been many.
It's important for me to recall and remember.
Sometimes in the day to day I forget and also forget about my 17 second rule, which has given me a different set of tools to handle the depth of my lose. At times I've inwardly struggled with the whole holiday season. If I stop and remember the miracles I've witnessed this past year, my burden is lightened. I am spiraling my intentional thinking in a positive direction which lifts my emotional well being. 17 seconds either direction is powerful, especially if you continue for 2 more consecutive 17 seconds, focusing for just over a minute. As I've pondered on these miracles, I've asked myself
What does Christmas really mean to me?
Knowing that my Savior Jesus Christ has succored me repeatedly this year, that heaven's window has been less obscure, I can say that without Christmas and the birth, then Easter and Christ's atonement, death and resurrection, I would feel little hope in the battle I continue to struggle with of the loss of Madie.
Because of Christ and the things I have personally witnessed, I feel that words are inadequate to express the divinity of God and his love for me, one of his children.
This love is universal for each of us. He knows us, he knows our darkest moments, he knows our struggles, and he lets us grow as we process the challenges that life brings.
I watched this video and of all that I have seen this season, this brought me so many tender feelings.
I have often related to Mary, the mother of Jesus, and her broken heart in losing her son. I know that Christ sacrificed in the Garden of Gethsemane and knew already when he saw his mother while on the cross of her immense pain and heartache because he had just taken it upon himself in the garden.
This has given me hope as I know he understands
"my broken mother heart"
Enjoy the beauty and love found in this beautiful video. Merry Christmas!
Jolynn, I keep up on your blog, love to read about your feelings. I have a son that lives in heaven, also. Thanks for writing.
ReplyDeleteThank You lecx5. I am so sorry you have been down this path too. I hope you find some joy during the holidays, I have found that there is some kind of release button that I have to let go of at some point with each of the major events since she died. I just let it all go this morning and my 36 hour headache went away. Strange how connected our physical body is with our emotional well being.
DeleteI agree! It's been almost 25 years since our son died. The first few years were a roller coaster, I can relate to so much that you write about. I enjoy reading your words. It's really a great blessing for all of us, your readers, that you are sharing your journey with us.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your encouragement! I have found that it gets hard at time to keep writing about how hard it is, because I feel some kind of internal pressure to suck it up and be strong. If only it were that easy <3
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