Mental Shifting... 17 second experiment

For the past several days I have been praying about what I could do that would mean something during this Christmas season because my attitude about the holidays was really pathetic.  As I was thinking and pondering on what would help me get through Christmas, and not dread this time of year, I had some profound experiences and learned some very interesting, possibly life changing things in the past several days.

I was introduced to a new concept Monday from my physiotherapist that's also a friend.   I was telling her about a few experiences from Saturday and Sunday that were like being on a roller coaster of emotions. As I explained my Saturday she said "well of course everything went downhill because of the 17 second rule." 
 What? 
I never remembered hearing this although I feel like she may have mentioned it someplace before.  Even So, before I explain it I want to share what I wrote Saturday when I was in the moment of extreme emotional upheaval.

"The day started so great in the temple with my girls and Larry, and then we got out the Christmas tree, and decorations from the attic.  I knew this needed to happen for the family but as we started setting up the Christmas tree and unpacking ornaments and decorations my head started hurting and then things seemed to spiral out of control. The memories were flooding my brain, each ornament, each decoration had a story, and in about two hours I found that I wanted to start throwing up and that I was shaking all over with a full blown headache that hadn't responded to medication.  I wanted to start screaming but held it in.  Finally I retreated to a safe place my car and everything exploded out of me. 
Crying, screaming, sobbing uncontrollably.... 
 No one prepares you for how hard this can be as my gut is turning inside out."

the 17 second rule... 
 It only takes 17 seconds to completely shift our emotions through thoughts.  In other words when we focus our thoughts on something for 17 seconds our emotions shift. This can work any direction good or bad, happy or sad. 

 It was a profound "ah ha" moment for me.  

I had floods of memories that came back from just the past several days and how I found that I shifted when I stayed in a memory or thought too long about something tied to Madie, and what isn't or won't ever be.  
 I decided to work on some genealogy after my walk in the morning when she shared these thoughts with me.  I found myself lost in the work and found a group of family members that were my husbands 3rd great grand uncles family because I had his 3rd great grandmother's name and  found all of her siblings. I then found names of some of their children and spouses.  There is still more for me to do.  I believe Madie is helping me with this for very sacred reasons that have come since she died. It is a way to feel like she is connected to me here and now.  In the past we couldn't find names and it was so frustrating.  I know that she understood this because ever time she was suppose to have a name for something for church we couldn't find anyone.  

My thoughts all day were great.  I even did things around the house, and decided to get out a few more Christmas decorations but knew not to think about memories. It ended up being one of the best days I have had in over a month.  An idea started formulating...

Experiment... 

I decided to quickly write about what happened Sunday morning as I was waking up to see how writing about it affected me. Here's what I wrote today...

" I woke up Sunday morning and had a thought about what the scene of the accident might have looked like, soon I was recalling a trip we were on when we came across an accident, a body was in the road with a white sheet over it.  Before long I was hysterically crying, with all kinds of imagined thoughts."

 I found by the time I had brought up this memory, quickly typed it out that my happiness had dropped considerably.
 I knew that I needed to immediately focus my thoughts elsewhere so I went outside, focused on the beauty of the day. I thought about the sun shining through the trees, with the contrast of the cold nippy air..

 I also texted two friends to see how they were doing. Thinking of others, and how to help is also a trick in my bag. I walked around the house and thought of happy memories of Madie. This was trickier and I had to exhibit more control here.  I found that my mood wasn't as good as it had been just ten minutes earlier, and so I decided to say and think a couple of times, 

 "I am grateful for the good times and 

memories I have with Madie" 

I am grateful for the beautiful pictures I have to remember her...

I also decided to have some fun hot chocolate while I kept working.

Being alone so much this year has probably made this much more difficult because I could go down what ever path of memories I wanted. I stated to Larry early in November I just wish it was January, I couldn't see anything but really difficult days getting through the holidays, I remembered how awful it felt last year, being around the hustle and bustle and happiness at parties, and wanting to disappear. 

 I decided to see if I can alter the rest of this month... 

the experiment is on!

One important thing I have found is being aware of the thoughts and feelings shifting as I go down a memory path. It's crazy how quickly my emotions can shift into a downward spiral.

An example from this morning... 
I woke up refreshed having had a really good nights sleep and felt fantastic.  I got on Facebook briefly and saw a picture of a friend of Madie's  saying goodbye to her brother 6 months ago when she was leaving for her mission. Her mom had posted it stating that a year from now her daughter would be home.
  At first I thought "Oh that is so cool she has been out 6 months now." Then I thought of the farewells that have been part of my life ,most especially Ryan and Taylor leaving for two years on missions, and their homecomings. But then I thought of saying goodbye to Madie and how long it will be till I can embrace her.  Soon my insides started clenching up and I immediately thought, "shift your focus, NOW!" 
 It was profound!  I discovered because I caught it quickly that I was able to divert the path that most likely would have set up the rest of my day, and not in a good way... 
As I was writing this it's been interesting to see how often I have needed to divert my attention with something positive. 
 I can see why the writing process has been helpful when I have struggled this year. As I have written seeking comfort understanding or resolve, I have gradually shifted my focus. 

I also know that each day I write, much of the day is spent focusing on the experience and then the understanding.  It has been very helpful but I'm open to change.
 another important thing  I was taught is that sleeping resets the brain better then anything else.  That means that each morning as we wake up the first thoughts that we think are so important. 
 Is it any wonder that starting the day with prayer is powerful if we remember to do it. then it occurred to me that a prayer of gratitude as my thoughts come into consciousness has been one of the best things I have done at times this year... It makes perfect sense now why that is so. 

Here's a recap...
 17 seconds is all it takes to completely change your emotions or mood. Being aware of this, we then have the ability (if we choose) to shift or divert the thought as soon as we feel the change coming, and it happens pretty quickly. 
 Have a list of ideas of ways to shift the thoughts. 

 Reach out to someone, 

Go outside and observe anything to be grateful for 

even if it's the gloomy weather that helps me appreciate the wonders of God. 

 I can be grateful for the witness of God in the constant shift of the weather, the clouds, and trees with leaves that are always different.

 Music,

 praying or meditating,

 listening to something uplifting.

  All of these shift our focus, the key is speed.  

17 seconds...

 Loved this quote posted by a friend this morning that went with my thoughts today...
"Our destiny is not determined by the number of times we stumble but by the number of times we rise up, dust ourselves off, and move forward." --President Dieter F Uchtdorf

This concept took on new meaning adding 

the 17 second rule to it. 

I also like knowing that if I  go down the path of thoughts and have a rough day,

 that I get a reset every night.

 Focusing on good memories or of things I'm grateful for as I go to sleep will help start the next day.

 When we wake, regardless of what the day before was, 

our brains naturally reset us for success. 

Each day gives us the opportunity for a clean slate. 

The rest is staying outside the 17 seconds of destructive thoughts, knowing that 17 seconds of positive thoughts also has a very strong impact, and can exponentially multiply as we continue down that path..

 I am committed to my experiment!

 Join me if you would like, I would love to get feedback from any who do...