Thursday, February 7, 2013

Feb 7,2013 
  Life is calming down for the first time since the accident... I am not sure what to think but I did take a very long nap today. 

I have enjoyed so many wonderful chats/visits with old friends, family and new acquaintances. I can't begin to express gratitude for the love that has been shown to our family in so many numerous ways. It helps lighten the load, that is ever present and feels so heavy. 

I never knew that life could seem so undirectional (the opposite of 1D :) ) Not sure what to do or where to go. Each day I just see where the day takes me and give myself space to not do anything that I don't feel like doing. I have so many things I need to do, or want to do, or desire to see done. 

I realize the one thing I have is time. Madie's time is gone, but I am left with trying to figure out how to fill my time. I would be kidding myself if I said, it doesn't seem like it will be forever until I am with her again, but I am grateful for little things that make her not seem so completely gone, coincidences that are just too perfect not to acknowledge that a loving Heavenly Father is trying to let me know, he knows I am in a constant struggle with
Madeline Morris leaving our lives so unexpectedly.

The musical being over leaves me feeling somewhat alone... I can truly say that it was nothing short of a miracle to have this parallel our live, with so much meaning that was applicable to our situation. How to have hope and rebuild when your dreams or wishes are shattered. MarShae Morris seems to naturally embody the spirit of hope. She had a personal witness the day of the accident to know that Madie didn't leave early. I loved watching her share the message of hope, that we are never alone. I will always love and cherish this journey "Into the Woods" With my heart full of grief; I was nurtured by my sweet daughter's courage to offer my broken heart hope. 

I can hope for a bright tomorrow without denying the darkness of today. I can keep my faith in Heavenly Father, hoping for a happier future, while allowing myself to grieve in the present.

Oh how I wish that the lessons of life, that teach us the most didn't come with such a tremendous price tag, but grief is the natural byproduct of love.


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