Seven months....

    "Kindness 
            is the essence of 
                                   Greatness"

 I have spent a large amount of time pondering on this quote that Madie had hand written on a piece of paper and taped it to her mirror in her bedroom.  As the past seven months have moved along I have found myself not holding to my earliest convictions after the accident of embracing and becoming this.  As life has settled in and adjusted patterns of living have returned in our home, I have discovered that greatness is earned through our commitment to kindness.

As I have contemplated on what kindness is, I have reflected on hundreds of acts of kindness shown to me and my family. 

 Kindness has made the journey more bearable; lightened the burden, and my heart is overflowing with gratitude.  

Yet I ask myself,  Am I kind in my heart... Lately  this thought has been coursing through my brain, and honestly, I need to work on this.
 When things are going well, (currently at our house that means no one is having a difficult time) then yes, true kindness fills my heart. 
 But what about the disappointments that can hit from some unexpected place?  What about the loneliness that is a part of this type of experience? There are so many different emotions that accompany grief and emotional stability is essential, and yet the need to work through the grieving process, is also a high priority.   That is often when I notice the internal conflict . 

 As I have contemplated  on this thought, "Am I kind in my heart"  I realize my inadequacies, my need to improve... 
 Ultimately in my opinion kindness is charity, and 
                  Charity
                        is the essence of  
                                 Greatness
So what is charity?  
                                                     Well, since this blog was created in honor of Madeline,

.I will share her favorite scripture...

 "And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not,and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing for charity never faileth. wherefore cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all , for all things must fail-




But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever,

 and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day it shall be well with him. 

Wherefore my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hast bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ: that ye may become the Sons of God;  that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is, that we may have this hope;  that we may be purified even as he is pure.
 Moroni 7 :45-48.


 I spent several hours yesterday in the temple and pondered on having a forgiving heart, desiring  to put into practice Charity. 

 For me one of the hardest things that often hits is the things that will never be.  I find myself wishing that my life could be like someone elses, that Madie could be leaving on her mission now as planned, and that she would return afterwards,  go back to college, eventually get married, have children etc 

 As I have seen other's lives moving in these directions my heart is filled with conflict.  I am happy for them and heartbroken for myself.  As I observe joy, it is hard not to reflect on my heartache. This conflict causes so much angst inside.  I want to be able to move forward, enjoying the blessings of every ones life, not  excluding myself, because it might be hard on me, or what if I fall apart and the spirit or mood of the "whatever" is dampened.  I also have discovered as I've repeatedly attempted to find solid ground during the past several months, that a heavy sadness was often a battle, yet sometimes I am doing fine.  Loneliness while hard at times, also has given me time to ponder, write, discover and grow.   

Today as I pondered on these scriptures, I realized that charity envieth not,  beareth all things, and endureth all things...  
This gives me focus of things that I can work on, hopefully to become more charitable in the process. 
 Does it mean the pain vanishes, because I've decided to again work on improving my relationship with God by becoming more like his Son, Jesus Christ?  This is always the hope, the mindset and desire, but often I am snatched and grief consumes me again, always shocking me into reality of my vulnerability...
Oh how I look forward to peace that is consistent, not so fleeting, and yes,  
                     patience is a virtue....

                              Till we meet again....