Saturday, March 21, 2015

Anniversaries with peace at 27 months...

I have always had a thing for numbers.  I love doing Sudoku and math always came easy for me. I also remember dates like the day we closed on our house April 23rd, only to purchase our first new car a few years later on the same date.  I also discovered twice on April 27th, that two babies I was carrying had died during my second trimester.
Because of this I have thought that the 20's in a calender month hold special significance to me.  Larry and I were married 34 years ago today on March 21st.
 I had my first child on May 24, only to have each of my other children born on a day in the 20's except for Marielle. After a full day of labor at 11:30 p.m. on Oct.19th my doctor said, "you have been pushing for 2 hours,which seems like a long time for your 7th child."  I told him I thought she was waiting to be born on the 20th. He determined I had pushed long enough and out came forceps, a first for me. He carefully pulled her out during my next contraction just before midnight. I have often thought she was supposed to be born on the 20th, maybe so that I would know that there was some kind of order in the heavens.
 Now some could say that is just how my cycle runs but I have had children born two weeks late, two weeks early, and right on time.  Madie was born on May 20th, sharing Sterling's half birthday November 20th. The accident happened on November 20th, which seemed wrong but significant at the same time.
 Maybe all of my fascination with numbers was a way for me to later recognize that God was in charge. 
In the beginning it seemed so weird and awful to me that it happened on such an important date, but over time I saw the wisdom in the "coincidence" of it.  With an accident that kills a child and almost another child, with the circumstances around the accident, it could be easy to think, "how is this possible?"  
Did God have his back turned or did the angels just forget their assignments? 
Was the Holy Ghost's promptings completely unavailable or maybe it was precisely what was supposed to happen. Possibly Heavenly Father knew that I would see the dates line up in such a way as to give another witness to the order that is in Heaven. As I have searched for answers I felt like pieces of the puzzle have continued to fall into place.

 I am also grateful that even though November 20th is a complicated day, celebrating Sterling's birthday provides distractions to help shift the focus of the day, and the memories of losing Madie.

Yesterday was another anniversary 27 months. For the first time the anniversary felt completely peaceful. I was busy engaged in other things. I saw his hand in answering specific prayers in my morning scripture study. I was asked by the sister missionaries to come to a missionary discussion, which meant rescheduling my evening plans. I almost turned down the invitation but then I felt I should rearrange things and so told the sister missionaries I would come.
 I wasn't expecting to have a mini reunion with Sister Nelson who was on splits, which means she is assigned to another area but was working with Sister Peterson who is serving in our ward, while both of their companions were also working together. 
A picture we took last summer at on of the baptisms.
 Sister Nelson taught three of Madie's friends that were baptized last summer. We were both ecstatic to see each other again.  She shared with me that over and over she has felt Madie's presence in her experiences as a missionary. Just the day before she had thought about me and wished she could see me again.  She even decided she would write me a letter the following Monday on her preparation day. Imagine both of our surprise when I arrived, and she realized that we were going to have another missionary discussion together. With all of the excitement I forgot that it was the 20th.  We visited afterwards and shared some sacred experiences and feelings.

 
This morning I realized that over and over I have been able to witness rewarding experiences of Sister Nelson's mission. I'm sure her mother would love to experience these important events with her daughter but can't because of mission rules.  I saw the similarities because I can't experience Madie's mission and the work she is doing.  At times I get clues and insights into some of what she might be involved with, it's just not as clear as a weekly email would be. 

Perspective often helps when things in life don't seem fair according to what we thought would happen. Often understanding comes in retrospect, or through insights like these.
I am grateful to have a wonderful beginning of the 20's for March. Our anniversary has been nice going to lunch at Peli Peli and also assisting Larry while he installed a new kitchen faucet.
 If you were to ask Larry about our anniversary, he'd say lunch was great, but any plumbing repair he ever does brings many frustrating moments.  Funny how one simple job often brings light to other needed repairs and additional trips to the hardware store.
 Isn't that the way life is?  Fun and exciting events mixed with everyday struggles and frustrations, interspersed with joyous and tragic events.  The trick is to learn how to experience the journey while allowing the changes that will mold us into who we need to become.




4 comments:

  1. Loving your pictures and the simple and beautiful way you have put your story across - you're an inspiration and I am following your journey - awesome work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Writing is new for me and has been healing part of losing Madie.

      Delete
  2. Somehow I have missed so many of your blog posts. I hope you will keep writing your experiences here. We need to catch up soon. Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I don't know why this posted as 'unknown'... This is Tara :) I have also noticed 'coincidences' with dates and numbers in my life that are just so intricately connected that there is no way they can just be a coincidence, but rather God's finger prints lighting our way. I am grateful for these small reminders, and some not so small, that He is aware of us and intimately involved in the details.
    love,
    Tara

    ReplyDelete