Blessings come from waiting on the Lord Gratitude post 35

I listened to this song today and realized how many blessings have come because of not feeling like he was blessing me. In the process of the struggle, going into the valley of bitterness and sorrow, my greatest blessings have come.
I have experienced the blessings of struggling to get up one more time. I am grateful to have had the 1,000 sleepless nights, the healing that has come through more tears then I ever thought were possible for a body to create. This greatest trial of my life, is becoming his mercies in disguise, and for this I am grateful. To have come to recognize how many things I was prideful in and needed humbling and a greater understanding of charity. 

One of the attributes of charity is long suffering. 

 What if the the sweet experiences I have recently had,

 came early after Madie died?  

Would I have understood the beauty of the healing blood of Christ if it had come without the length of the struggle, during the fog of the first two years?  I believe that through the extension of time,  the enduring lessons seem more poignant. 

 I'm grateful to have written about this journey, because I can go back and see that time and time again, he showed me his love.  Even so it was extremely difficult to hold onto the peace he gave. 

The pain was so raw;

 so deep.

As the pain of grieving came back over and over, and the drops of healing came little by little,

 the pain was much bigger then the drops. 

The anguish seemed to always win. 

As  life moved along and other challenges were heaped upon the already existing pain, this was where my greatest trials and eventually healing came. It was here, that showing any amount of faith became exhausting, and grueling. 

 In these moments I gave into the anguish and wondered If he heard my pleas, and if I would ever feel alive again. 

I can say that in the struggle, and the depths of the pain, that I have had the sweetest life changing experiences. I have felt engulfed in a love that defies all description.

 I know who I am; 

a precious daughter of a loving Father in Heaven.

 I have been succored by my Savior Jesus Christ.

 I've been repeatedly humbled, and hope to never take up the banner of pride that I carried so proudly.
 I hope to be his hands, and find others to lift. That is the prayer of my heart. I am grateful for the blessings he has showered upon me, and for his light illuminating my life.