Jan 5,2013   The last four days have been a blur... so much has been going on but I don't seem to get very much accomplished... I am OK with that but it is really weird to be so unproductive and unmotivated. I realize that the most important thing is to move through the grief, and not expect too much of myself. I must say that this is a lot more complicated to live through than I would have understood prior to the accident.

I am so thankful for the Holy Ghost and the comfort it brings, the guidance that comes, the tender mercies of a loving Heavenly Father, of our Savior Jesus Christ who suffered for all the sins, pains, heartache, grief, disappointment, that all of God's children will experience. It is mind boggling and sad for me to think that he felt this depth of pain and all the rest of mankind's combined. It is beyond what I have any inkling of a brain particle to imagine. 

I still find it so hard to imagine life without Madeline Morris being a part of it. I see a picture or have a flash of a memory and think, surely this can't be so, and yet my logical side knows that it is. I know she would want me to be happy and involved in the lives of others, really present. I have pep talks on a regular basis with myself to try and stay in the present.

I have also been re reading a near death experience book that I read several years ago, and a concept that jumped out at me is that when people die it is viewed as a new birth. It is celebrated! Too bad we don't have that perspective! Also that time for them doesn't really exist, so what seems like it will be forever to me to be with her again, doesn't feel that way to her. It gave me some comfort pondering on these ideas. 

I am grateful for Eternal families, I'm also grateful for my family and friends, that bring complexities, joy, kindness, challenges, and love! It keeps life interesting, and gives my brain other things to think about....and that's a good thing ♥