This morning as I reflected on all the things that have occurred in the past week my heart was overcome with gratitude, and yet I realized that with the wedding over and school starting that change is in the air, and I feel a bit lost as to where my life is now heading.
I reflected on what the end of August means to me as I said goodbye to Taylor and Bailee on Sunday the 25th for them to begin their new life together. Monday the 26th, Marielle began a new chapter for our family, no child at Ehrhardt Elementary School after 25 years. She is now off to the bus stop just a few houses down,
starting her journey into middle school at our third junior high living in the same home.
A year ago I said goodbye to Madie for the last time as I put her on a plane on Aug 24, 2012 to return for fall semester..
This was her last night in her room, and our home,
as she was repacking up her things to go back to BYU after being home for her 2 week break. So grateful that MarShae grabbed several pictures that night.
On August 26th,2011 now two years ago my mother unexpectedly passed away without me saying goodbye. Taylor was in town for American Idol auditions and our family went to Galveston for round two on August 28th, and watched the sun rise. I recall the strangeness I felt of having lost both parents in 4 months, a feeling that seems very familiar still today but for different reasons.
Two years later I am still seeking to figure out this shift in my life, realizing how much it has been complicated since November 20,2012 I find myself looking for a window to open, not sure where my life is headed, but trying to align my will with my Heavenly Fathers.
Searching for answers, I was reading through the beginning of my blog this morning, and I came across this early post after the accident that expressed so many current feelings in my heart from the past several weeks. I seriously could have written this today....
[Nov 29, 2012... Today I am grateful to have witnessed Psalm 46 "Be still and know that I am God " This has been powerfully witnessed to me over the past 9 days. Every time I have expressed a desire, he has witnessed to me his presence and given to me the desire. He has even given me things that I didn't know I needed but then became apparent how that would lift me and show me the miracle of his love. I can not express enough gratitude for all that has been done because so much I am not even aware of. The many acts of kindness, service, thoughts, prayers, compassion have not gone unnoticed. If I haven't thanked you personally please know that every act of kindness in any form, is greatly appreciated. The Relief Society motto is "Charity never Faileth" I can say that this has never meant so much to me. It is true!! Kindness from the heart is never wrong. ♥ ♥ ♥]
Continuing today...
This morning I decided to take my Ipod with me walking and spent some time reading and pondering scriptures. I was grateful that I came across this first as I read today's LDS daily verse:
D&C 84:88 And whoso receiveth you there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you to bear you up.
I thought of how often I pray to have angels helping me and my family get through our days. I am grateful.
I also realized how many days I have let these opportunities go by and missed out on these types of experiences.
Some things that I have pondered on today that have been witnessed to me repeatedly over the past 9 months.
I testify that he knows us,
our thoughts
and our needs.
I testify that he loves us,
but allows us to go through difficult experiences to grow and to find him.
I testify that it is a constant choice,
who will I choose to follow, who will win? There is a battle going on in my head most of the time.
I testify that I could view this as the biggest trial of my life,
or the biggest opportunity.
It really is my choice, and some days I do better than others, but I do allow myself to grieve when it washes over me.
I testify that as I look for things to calm my troubled heart,
that they do, in time come.
Here are two that I have listened to many times in the past little while. This quick video that MarShae recorded Sunday for a project.
I reflected on what the end of August means to me as I said goodbye to Taylor and Bailee on Sunday the 25th for them to begin their new life together. Monday the 26th, Marielle began a new chapter for our family, no child at Ehrhardt Elementary School after 25 years. She is now off to the bus stop just a few houses down,
starting her journey into middle school at our third junior high living in the same home.
A year ago I said goodbye to Madie for the last time as I put her on a plane on Aug 24, 2012 to return for fall semester..
On August 26th,2011 now two years ago my mother unexpectedly passed away without me saying goodbye. Taylor was in town for American Idol auditions and our family went to Galveston for round two on August 28th, and watched the sun rise. I recall the strangeness I felt of having lost both parents in 4 months, a feeling that seems very familiar still today but for different reasons.
Two years later I am still seeking to figure out this shift in my life, realizing how much it has been complicated since November 20,2012 I find myself looking for a window to open, not sure where my life is headed, but trying to align my will with my Heavenly Fathers.
Searching for answers, I was reading through the beginning of my blog this morning, and I came across this early post after the accident that expressed so many current feelings in my heart from the past several weeks. I seriously could have written this today....
[Nov 29, 2012... Today I am grateful to have witnessed Psalm 46 "Be still and know that I am God " This has been powerfully witnessed to me over the past 9 days. Every time I have expressed a desire, he has witnessed to me his presence and given to me the desire. He has even given me things that I didn't know I needed but then became apparent how that would lift me and show me the miracle of his love. I can not express enough gratitude for all that has been done because so much I am not even aware of. The many acts of kindness, service, thoughts, prayers, compassion have not gone unnoticed. If I haven't thanked you personally please know that every act of kindness in any form, is greatly appreciated. The Relief Society motto is "Charity never Faileth" I can say that this has never meant so much to me. It is true!! Kindness from the heart is never wrong. ♥ ♥ ♥]
Continuing today...
This morning I decided to take my Ipod with me walking and spent some time reading and pondering scriptures. I was grateful that I came across this first as I read today's LDS daily verse:
D&C 84:88 And whoso receiveth you there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you to bear you up.
I thought of how often I pray to have angels helping me and my family get through our days. I am grateful.
I also realized how many days I have let these opportunities go by and missed out on these types of experiences.
Some things that I have pondered on today that have been witnessed to me repeatedly over the past 9 months.
I testify that he knows us,
our thoughts
and our needs.
I testify that he loves us,
but allows us to go through difficult experiences to grow and to find him.
I testify that it is a constant choice,
who will I choose to follow, who will win? There is a battle going on in my head most of the time.
I testify that I could view this as the biggest trial of my life,
or the biggest opportunity.
It really is my choice, and some days I do better than others, but I do allow myself to grieve when it washes over me.
I testify that as I look for things to calm my troubled heart,
that they do, in time come.
Here are two that I have listened to many times in the past little while. This quick video that MarShae recorded Sunday for a project.
Second this short clip with insight into one of my favorite men who's wisdom always gives me hope. I hope this gives you the same courage it gives me each time I listen to it. <3
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