Life brings other challenges

I am grateful for six hours of sleep!

I have been dealing with shingles for the past 2+ weeks, and this past week struggled to sleep without medications to ease some of the pain.

I was starting to become worried about the addiction to the meds that I could see was happening, and so I decided to not take the hydrocodone or anything that might help me sleep. I have had 3 nights this week where sleep didn't come till after 5:30 am and then only for about 3 hours. That was enough crazy for one week, because I am also in varrying degrees of phsical pain.

The parodox was understanding that sleep was where healing could come and a break from the pain, and yet deep concerns about the long term effects of the drugs. In the past I have struggled with insomnia and addiction to pain meds from years of migraines, so the inability to sleep without something helping, even if it was benedryl was causing me additional stress and concern. (Benydryl often results in waking with a headache, so not the best option for me).

Stress is a large factor in a shingles outbreak, that and a compromised immune system. So more stress over the worry of not sleeping, and the drug addiction I could see was forming was what led me to starting gratitude posts publicly again.

Some additional things I am grateful to be learning.

Even though I woke up at 3 am I was incredibly grateful to have slept drug free, and med free. I am grateful for comfort that has come through my Savior when I felt broken. I am thankful for people who have reached out and been kind and loving. I am grateful for being able to wean myself off of pain meds during an 8 hour day in the temple Saturday. Even though sleep didn't come that night, and I felt I like I was losing it mentally all day Sunday, I had some breakthrough inspirations that came during church. One was that my physical pain had been lifted almost completely. I had thought maybe I was finished with shingles pain, until I woke up with renewed spirits but searing burning pain again this morning. It was then very clear that I had been spared physical pain all day Sunday. I could see that I was being helped to continue my quest to remain drug free. It has encouraged me to ride this pain cycle out again, because I also feel that I am healing physically, and grateful for direction and answers that have come during this experience. I am grateful to have a different level of compassion then I had before experiencing something that doesn't have an end date. (I have heard and read many horror stories, and honestly feel like I can't imagine this being a chronic condition).

I have been grateful that having shingles has given me the motivation that nothing else has been able to do since Madie died to return to a healthy lifestyle. It was something that Madie and I did together, and I struggled from the beginning being able to continue.

It has been easier then I thought it ever could be, but I have learned from this that intense pain makes other things like hunger or food, not seem so appealing. I realized that every time I have attempted to return to eating healthier, I haven't had the ability to last more then a few days. This is an added gift and blessing from this experience, and helps me have hope for the future.

I am grateful that Marielle decided to take charge of a very difficult situation yesterday, because I was beyond discouraged. She made dinner, got a puzzle out for me to work on to distract me, and quoted a scripture to me as I drove her to a youth activity.

"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life” (2 Nephi 31:20).

I marveled at who she is becoming and felt immense gratitude that she is here during this period of my life.

The Rose Ring

  Last month I went on an Annual Business trip with Larry to San Antonio.  I have gone many times in the past 22 years, and it rotates to different cities in Texas. We left early Wednesday morning and checked into our Hotel before 10 am.  I then dropped Larry off at a golfing event and drove to the San Antonio Temple to attend the last session for that day at noon.  

   The Houston Temple had been  closed for three weeks, and I was excited to visit the San Antonio Temple. I have heard since it was finished in 2005 that it was incredibly beautiful. I had no expectations of anything unusual happening, but was soon surprised by one of the most extraordinary   "Madie Hello's"  I have experienced since Madeline passed away.

I saw a young girl in the dressing room waiting with her mother that I knew from  the Houston Temple.  We hugged and I had hoped to sit by her but when I went into the Ordinance Room there was one open seat on the front row and then some seats on the third row. She was seated on the second row. Since there wasn't an empty chair by her I almost sat on the front row so I would have more time in the Celestial Room before the Temple closed, but then thought, "No just go sit on the third row." Soon another woman came in and sat next to me. I had no way of knowing at the time how important that was.

 As the session began I felt so much peace, and somewhat sleepy from getting up so early.  Eventually we changed rooms and when I entered the new room I was overcome with the intricate beauty.   It felt wonderful to be in a temple again.

 The sister next to me touched my hand and said "I haven't seen a ring like this since the one my husband gave me for my wedding ring." 

   I explained that my husband bought one for each of the girls in our family for Christmas a few years ago just after my daughter passed away in a car accident because her middle name was Rose.  Unfortunately I lost the diamond out of my wedding ring just before the accident so now I wear this for my wedding ring, and love the constant reminder of my sweet girl. 

  She was overcome with emotion to see it again but I noticed she wasn't wearing her rose ring.  She proceeded to tell me that while we were in the other room she was drowsy and felt a hand pat her leg just like her husband used to do.  It aroused her and she looked at her watch and realized what day and time it was.
 Her husband  had died suddenly 36 years ago at that very time, just two weeks after she had giving birth to their 4th child. 
She knew the anniversary was close but tried to block out focusing on it so that she doesn't experience the trauma and emotions all over again. I understood perfectly the difficulty of anniversaries.
  
She then explained that she didn't have her ring any more because she gave it to her oldest daughter who's name was Madeline.  At that point I about fell out of my chair.  I realized how many things had lined up for us to be there sitting next to each other. We had both left our house early that morning living 7 hours apart and were sitting next to each other by noon, in a room full of people.

Soon we entered the Celestial room, which had roses in a bouquet on a table right in front of the tree of life stained glass window.  I felt like I was in another world as tears filled my eyes.  

We sat down and she related to me that it was a very last minute decision to come to the temple. 
Her friend named "Rosa" had called her the night before and asked her if she could possibly drive to the temple with her in the morning.  She cleared her day and they also left early that morning from McAllen,Texas to make the last session at noon. 

I was overcome with how much the Lord loves each of his children, and how merciful he is. I know that his love is real.  I felt an outpouring of it in his Holy Temple and I knew that angels had been close by watching over details in my life.